Stay at home moms are LAZY. Stay at home moms are ANNOYING. Stay at home moms are THE WORST. Do you feel shock or even shame when you hear these statements?
“Stay-home-moms are LAZY”
I recently participated in a local fundraising event. I was standing on the stage with the other participants, as the MC introduced us, one by one.
When he began to introduce one of the other woman participants, he said, “This is ‘Suzi’. She is a local stay-at-home mom who eats bonbons all day”.
And everyone laughed.
“Suzi” who is extremely active in the community, has a well known career and is looked up to as a hard working professional. She isn’t currently a stay at home mom, although she is a mother. And so the statement so obviously wasn‘t true and was clearly meant as a joke, no one thought anything of it.
Except for me.
PIN THIS FOR LATER
Standing on that brightly lit stage, in front of all those people, I suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable and self conscious. Even though the joke wasn’t directed at me, and most of the people there probably didn’t even know I was a stay-at-home mama, I felt a sudden, unexpected sharp stab of shame hit me in the stomach.
I had to fight an almost uncontrollable urge to hide so that I didn’t run off the stage in humiliation.
“Stay-at-home-mom’s are WORTHLESS”
It was a gut reaction, and in the moment, I didn’t understand why I felt that way. Later, when I had time to think about it, I still wasn’t sure.
I’m not ashamed of being a stay at home mom. Or at least, I didn’t think I was.
So why did I feel such embarrassment when a joke was made?
I mulled it over for a little while, and then forgot about it for a few days. But later in the week, I happened across this video:
VIDEO: WHY HAVE WE STIGMATIZED AND MARGINALIZED THE STAY-AT-HOME-MOM?
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The Stay-At-Home-Mom on Google
This video brings up some interesting points, and speaks to a lot of what I was feeling but was unable to put words to.
I also tried Googling what he suggests in the video. I Googled “stay at home moms are…”.
Here are the results I got:
- Stay at home moms are lazy.
- Stay at home moms are freeloaders
- Stay at home moms are annoying
- Stay at home moms are not your babysitter (that one made me chuckle!)
- Stay home moms are the worse
SAY WHAAAAT?!
I have so many questions now.
Am I Ashamed to be a Stay at Home Mom?
Is there an unconscious (or maybe conscious?) stigma against “stay-at-home” moms (and moms) that has become so deeply ingrained in our society that Google would auto-suggest terms like this?
Is this belief so deeply ingrained in our society that it’s become a subconscious belief of most of us?
Do I believe this?
I don’t think I do. But why else would I feel so much shame over a joke if it wasn’t something that I also believed on some level?
Is the stigma held equally against working moms, and all mothers in general? Or is it stronger against the SAHM?
(I’d like to add here that while I am currently a stay-at-home-mom, I have nothing but MAD RESPECT for working moms, as well. I’ve done both, and they both have their own unique challenges and benefits).
“Stay-at-home-mom’s are ANNOYING”
“a stay-at-home-mom who eats bonbons all day”…
…and all I could was that, some day, I was going to get me some of those darn bonbons and see what all the fuss was about!
But I mean, SERIOUSLY? Who even eats bonbons, anyway?!
Stay at Home Moms are AMAZING
I know that I actually AM proud to be a stay-at hoe-mom. And I am SO grateful that I am fortuate enough to get to make that choice for myself and my family. I know that not everyone does.
So I say GOOLE, YOU’RE DRUNK. Go home!
It’s time to change the narrative.
Because Stay at Home Moms are:
AMAZING
STRONG
CREATIVE
GOOD PARENTS
HARDWORKING
SMART
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